yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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