Plan B is the new Plan A
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
