NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
