Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
