She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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