So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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