it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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