forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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