I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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