Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
