right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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