cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
