Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
