i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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