Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I CAN MOONWALK!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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