I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
