I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
