Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
