mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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