You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
