I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
