Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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