Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
