lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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