I love black thongs
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
