the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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