Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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