I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
