I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
A+ Viking dick
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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