this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
