i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
