one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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