I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
