were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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