A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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