apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
