Porn is love you can see.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
