no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
