Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
