I'm gonna have a badass scar
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
