3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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