Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
