my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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