he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
