Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
do herpes really smell.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
