just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
