You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
