When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
