you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
