Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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