All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
