Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
