Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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