I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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