If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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