So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
