I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize