He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
