my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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