Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
