I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
