This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
sarcasm needs its own font
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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