we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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