His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
