You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
