my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
