i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
