He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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