did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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