Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
