I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I love you.
Bad choice
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