fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
