I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
