New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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