I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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