chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
