cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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