Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
