We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
