Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
