Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
