Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
