so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
